Three Ways to Be Kind to Yourself Right Now

There is a song that I love by an artist named Andrew Peterson titled, “Be Kind to Yourself.” It is a beautiful ode to the reality that we are often far harder on ourselves than we would ever be on another person. My favorite lines from the song are:

“How does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you? You’ve got to learn to love your enemies too.”

This is the truth for all of us. How will our days and weeks and months end if we are constantly at war with ourselves? As a therapist, I spend a fair amount of time encouraging the people I work with to be kind to themselves. I have to constantly remind myself to do this. Being kind to ourselves is hard but necessary.

Why Should We Be Kind to Ourselves?
This is a more important question than most of us realize. It seems obvious to us that we should be kind to others. This is because we have been socialized to believe this is right.

If I were to ask you if being kind to yourself is important, it is likely you would say yes but your actions would tell another story. When was the last time you had a positive thought about yourself?

When was the last time you had a critical thought about yourself? If you’re anything like me, the second question is much easier to answer because, like me, you are self-critical.

So why should we be kind to ourselves? Because we spend more time with ourselves than we do with anyone else and if we aren’t kind to ourselves, then why would anyone else be kind to us?

There are other reasons too. Reasons such as our self talk is a primary driver of our happiness and life satisfaction. Our self talk has significant impact on our relationships and many other areas of life. We can all agree that life is better when we are kind to ourselves and those around us.

How We Can Be Kind to Ourselves
1. Start challenging the negative thoughts you have about yourself. We all have negative thoughts. Thoughts about how badly we mess up our presentation at work or how our weird handshake definitely ruined the deal we were sealing for our business. The more of these thoughts we have, the more negative our thought process is in general. What we can do about this is begin challenging those thoughts. Treat them like a court case. Find evidence they are true and evidence they are false. Act as your own jury in deciding how accurate your negative thoughts are. And when you discover they are false, find a replacement thought that builds you up.

2. Do something kind for yourself. When was the last time you did something kind for yourself? When was the last time you enjoyed your favorite take out or watched your favorite show or left the kids with your partner and enjoyed a 10 minute walk outside on a beautiful day? Our lives are often so hectic that we neglect to do kind things for ourselves. We are simply “too busy.” Take 10 minutes and do something kind for yourself today. It can be anything big or small so long as it builds you up.

3. Forgive yourself. We all carry around choices we have made or actions we have taken that we regret. These can be heavy weights around our necks. They can drag us down into despair. It’s time to forgive yourself. This doesn’t mean you excuse the choice or forget the action. It means making a conscious choice to set it down and leave it behind. It means extending grace and mercy to yourself that you were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time. And now that you know better, you will do better. Forgive yourself.

​Being kind to ourselves is an important ability. It is one way in which we can participate in self care and self love. It is a way to build ourselves up to become the people we desire to be. So put down your phone, close your laptop, and go be kind to yourself.